I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
