We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
