Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
