you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
