Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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