it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
