The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
