Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want to fling myself into the sun
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
