i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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