she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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