He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
