then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
