Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
