So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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