I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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