ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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