what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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