this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
