woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
