She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
