dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
