I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
