I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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