Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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