Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize