Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
