i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
