I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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