I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
