she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
