Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
