I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
