so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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