i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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