This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
