Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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