could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
