dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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