I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
