i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
