Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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