capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
