apparently the secret to your success is patron
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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