dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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