I'm really into asian looking animals
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This girl is more easily done than said...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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