Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
