Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
