I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
