Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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