He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
