First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
