I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
