Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
