I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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