i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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