you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize