our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
