Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
