took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
this will be a night to untag.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
