You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
