Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
