I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
