i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
