It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
