Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
