This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
birth control should be required to get into college
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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