I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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