Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
birth control should be required to get into college
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
