I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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